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John and Julie Gottman (1999) describe three styles by which partners can understand conflict and resolve problems within their relationships.Validating The validating style within relationships involves regular compromise, a desire and an ability to identify and incorporate your partner’s point of view into the decision making process.They have the same fights to never let it get completely out of control.Gottman’s research reports that despite their perpetual conflict, Hostile Couples tend to remain together in an unhappy union. They squabble as a way to carve out space for themselves. They fight in front the of the kids and are married more to their misery than to each other. Hostile-Detached Couples Hostile-Detached Couples engage in trench warfare, bitterly escalating the level of negativity.They prefer to establish crisp and well-delineated boundaries and prize independent functioning.

Contempt also shows up, and Hostile Couples interactions have a skip in the record.

Unlike the Conflict Avoiders, Volatile Couples do not value separation in their individual lives, and there can be large and sometimes messy areas of shared emotional and cognitive space. Validating Couples These couples have taken the ultimate chill pill. In their degree of emotional expression, They seem to be somewhere between Conflict Avoiders and Volatile Couples.

Gottman’s research tells us that the typical Validating Couple is very empathic.

They usually go along to get along, and they work hard to understand their partner’s perspective.

Validating Couples are not total pushovers, however. If they have strong opposing points of view on an issue that they care about, they’re both capable of digging in.

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